Mark Sorensen In her book, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome, Nancy Anderson shares her story of infidelity and brokenness, which almost ended her marriage (note keyword, almost). The beauty in her story is that what she and her husband thought was broken for good was actually brought back together and restored through God’s grace. I love that it’s one story of MANY who have found reconciliation in their marriage and relationship by choosing to “lock the doors” and address the elephant in the room.
I loved a prayer that she shared in this book, and I think it’s a helpful one to share with us all in regards to praying over those we love. She spoke of praying HEDGES of protections around our marriages. Here’s a handy acronym for you:
Hear, Encourage, Date, Guard, Educate, Satisfy
Let’s unpack this a bit.
Hear. How important it is to listen to one another. The Bible speaks much to the power of the tongue. Proverbs 18:21 says that the tongue has the “power of death and life.” You can choose to build someone up with words or tear them down. Of course, you can also choose to HOLD your tongue. Listening is KEY in relationship. Pray that God might open your ears to listen — and listen well — to the one you love.
Encourage. This goes along well with the tongue, right? On the other side of listening comes encouraging. It’s amazing how simple words of encouragement can lift someone up and completely change a mood. Be intentional with encouraging words and gestures. In my marriage I have learned a pretty important fact: she doesn’t need a reason for flowers. Ever. A “just because” gesture of love and encouragement NEVER gets shot down. Trust me.
Date. Listen to me. NEVER stop playing in a marriage. Find new experiences. Stop the busyness of life and be intentional with investing in and dating one another. Stop and think about this for a moment. Paul says in Romans 14 that the Kingdom of God has these key ingredients: “righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.” We find ourselves SMACK in the midst of God’s Kingdom when we experience joy in the midst of His good and perfect will. So celebrate one another by finding your joy in Him!
Guard. Keep communication lines open with one another. Pray and be specific in your relationships to ask God to “guard your heart,” for “everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23). The enemy attacks the heart. There’s no question about that. Here’s where you need to be very careful about walking through doors that can cause you to stray. Close and lock those doors. Remember. You’re in that covenantal relationship for the long haul.
Educate. Study your spouse. Truly get to know them. Guess how this happens? Talking to one another. Honestly, I have to push back on the cell phone and technology creeping into my personal time that I spend with my wife. Don’t let busyness keep you from drifting away from the one you have committed to. I have heard it said once that busyness rapes relationships. That phrase stuck with me. Busyness can be a destroyer of love and intimacy. Never stop investing in and learning from one another.
Satisfy. Ah, yes. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5:21). Remember. In a relationship, it’s not a 50/50 thing. It’s each person giving 100% with Christ at the center.
So what do you say? Let’s start praying prayer hedges around our relationships, roll up our sleeves, and see what God has in store!
